Updating

I wanted to post tonight, not that I have any news.. just some thoughts.

Well our agency has sent an email stating some figures... I will not accept these figures. I understand that the world needs to be paid for a job, but what if you did not finish that job. My feelings in this is that when we began we were headed to China and they wanted a small amount of money, with the first reject and the turn to Taiwan they asked for a very large amount of money. We did not hesitate to provide them with what they asked for as they assured us that we wouldn't have any problems in Taiwan... but now we are told that we are completely rejected from Taiwan and it is going to cost in the thousands of dollars? I am really praying that they do the right thing.

Second is I went to the "rules" for China, I know I am punishing myself, but it seems Jay's and my "problem" is just that we haven't been married for five years. We would have to wait two more years to apply to China again. We qualify really under every other reason.

I have been on the phone with another agency in Taiwan.. Taiwan works different than China.. through individual orphanages instead of a central government agency.. and we are going to look into one more Taiwan orphanage. A final hope.

And lastly, something we can not act on until after the big date in September- more to this story- but there is Vietnam. Were we qualify 100%!
Vietnam has some sort of a deadline with the US. A few years back the US closed the doors to Vietnam and would not let parents adopt from that country. They had to clean up their acts or something.. so in September either they program will remain open and we can apply or close and we have no hope!
The "more to this story" is I should have just gone there in the first place. I started all this last August. I could be home with my child now. But I was so afraid of spending the extra money as Vietnam because it is more expensive.. yet now with what is happeneing to our adoption money from this first agency.. what was the difference!
I am getting upset!

Well I put two boxes of Chocolates, clothes, toys etc together today and I am mailing it to China and to our daughter of heart. I just pray each night that a family comes along for her or China's rules change and God lets us have her!
I have been told "through the grapevine" we are not to send gifts.. why???? I send boxes of stuff to the orphanage that Ali came from and I have no child there.. so I am sending this stuff to my child that the GOVERNMENT will not let me have!

Thank you all for your love and support!

News from CCAA

Well ASIA sent me over an email today to say that CCAA again turned us down for Wei.
That is it.. it is over. No more hoping or praying or waiting by the computer each day. Done.

I cried. Then I became angry. And now I am numb... or maybe just tired from crying. I am still angry though.

I want to understand why the agency got a PRE APPROVAL from both China and Taiwan and then we were rejected by both. Is it a bait and switch? Get our money and then let us wait for eight months.. YEP EIGHT MONTHS from start to finish and no kid and not sure how much money we will be out of.

I appreciate the girls I worked with at ASIA. I told them that today. They were GREAT about communication... but how do we go from Pre approvals to rejected? I know that they can only communicate what they are learning also but then should it cost the adopted family?

Then I called another agency that said they could get us approved for Taiwan... how is that possible? And I emailed with a woman who is in the same boat as us with another agency.. only her agency is promising her a child.... ????? I am going to watch her blog... because there would be no possible way that China turns us down twice and then gives other families children... would there?

I don't need any more kids. I have a houseful.. but I wanted another child. And there are MILLIONS of Children in this world that need a family.. yet I feel like we have hit a brick wall with these countries. We don't qualify because of STUPID things that wouldn't affect a child's love for a mom and dad.

I am sorry Wei. You will always have a spot in our hearts.

My girlfriend is predicting that we will find Wei's file on the shared children's list next.. we will see.. I just think each day a child grows older in an institution will will one more day of life long problems that child will take with them. I hope God will see you to a family very soon.

No news on Wei.. but some other good news!

Okay, we can start this off by saying NOTHING YET! I can't understand why this is taking so long. I really thought yesterday about the time CCAA would have been at work, they had my file on the desk and were stamping a great big APPROVAL on it.. but as it is past two in the afternoon my time, I know my agency hasn't gotten any news yet!

I did get a cool call today.. this is for those of you who admired my work on cleaning out my son's closet (see past blog entry)... I WON!! She called me today to tell me that I won and I won FIRST PLACE!!!! $500.00 Gift Card from Ikea!!!!
That is so great!! I called Jay right away and ran down my list of things I wanted to do to the house that I could apply that money to!!!! He said "Slow down girl!!" LOL
I wanted to run over there last week to put my name in on their contest for a free year of mortgage payments but just blew it off thinking how unlucky I am with stuff like this!! And then I win!!! YEAH!
I still need to post a picture of his whole room.. as you didn't get to see his cool bed!

No news yet

Today I was going to throw in the towel. I have been hearing bad news from families that applied to CCAA that don't qualify under the new guidelines.. we are one of them and CCAA sticks to their guns. I know they have to make rules, they have to stick by the rules or there is no system in place... but what is that old saying?... Rules are made to be broken or There is always an exception to every rule?
Scroll down and look at this child face, does she not just look like she should call me mom and Jay, dad. But I got up on the ugly side of my bed today (on top of the fact that I am cramming on my license and waited till the last minute to get my hours in) and said, "enough is enough.." I have a box of fun stuff that I have been waiting and waiting to mail to her.. I want to make plans.. whether it be going to get her or not.. I need to know what my life and where my life is going.
As those of you in this adoption circle know, it is hard to get on with your life when you are waiting. You can't sell your house, you hate to start a new job that you will have to say, "oh, by the way sometime in the near future I need about six months off." Do you buy new furniture or stick it in your adoption fund, are we going or are we staying.. the head is spinning!
But I got upset. And I emailed my agency... Thank you God for hooking me up with Marci. She is so patience with me! I emailed her and said that I am done, what is our next plan of action because waiting on China is not going good... and she calmed me down...
And our social worker came over today for Ali's one year post placement and we talked and she said the same thing.. You have to hold on! Your agency is doing a great job for you and CCAA is looking over your file again.. This is GREAT NEWS!
So we are waiting, still. They are going to send a fax to CCAA tonight to find out if we are any closer to an answer.
Maybe this is my brick wall talking.. because last time it took CCAA so long, I got my hopes really really high that they were going to say YES.. so this time, I am not finding "time on my side" or the "longer we wait the better" the outcome!
LOOK AT THAT CHILD'S FACE!! She should have been out eating pizza with us tonight instead of being put to bed by a nannie!
Sorry, I am having a pity party!
Just a little while longer and we should have an answer.

Many Thanks

I wanted to say thank you to those of you leaving comments and prayers. I just don't know how to answer through the blog as it doesn't seem to give an email back.

I read my last weeks posts...and forgot to explain how I came to get new pictures of Wei. I was bored and wanted to look at the agencies SN kids.. just to look. I emailed and asked if I could have the current password.. JUST TO LOOK!
I was oohing and ahhing over the kids when I came to a face, that looked familiar but ..??? Then I saw one of the older pictures of her and realized it was Wei ONLY OLDER...
So I emailed the agency to say, "wow you have updated photos!!" and she emailed me back and said yes.. we weren't going to send until we had an approval.. but I begged!
I am so glad to see her face!! It was a bit of a shock at first, only because I wasn't expecting her to grow so much... but it was almost two years between photos from what I can tell!!
She is not a baby anymore!!
I won't post again this week.. unless we hear some good news!!
Thank you again everyone for your thoughts and prayers!

A bit down

I have been in bed very ill for the last few days... if nothing else I dropped a few pounds...but the depression has set in. I can handle waiting.. if that is what it is- waiting. But when the hope comes that an answer will soon come and then doesn't come day after day, I can't handle waiting. When adopting Ali we had a timeline. Parents waiting Non special needs children are all logged in by dates, and you sit back and wait for your date and your referral. With the special needs children you just don't know. I have seen families get a pre approval in three days and some three months... or in our case, we waited three months to be told no. Now we wait again.
I know that our agency will open around noon our time (different coasts) so I check my email from noon to one.. if there is nothing from Marci, I know it will be another long 24 hours before I can get the hope up again.
I have decided that I am going to post Wei's photos. I know we don't have an official yes.. but, if God decides, we are not the family for her, maybe by me posting her face another family will come sooner and she will get to find her family.
So here she is.... hopefully our new daughter!!!!



About 14 months old- she had just had her surgery.



Recent update photos that we got last week!

Another Week Gone By

I know I am just tired today as I worked late the last two nights and I am very blue.. but I had my mind set I was going to hear something on Ali's Gotcha Day, then that came and went I figured it would be by today..the end of the second week... but that has now come and gone so we wait again till next week.

I did get an email from Marci at our agency, she is so encouraging, but stated because the person who is trying to help us was out last week, then they asked for the letter from our agency to add strength to our side, then they couldn't find our LOI and needed to have that sent again...etc.. one thing after another. But I am now understanding that the woman who is advocating for us is not the new director of special needs.. so I am not sure who, why, how or what is going on! Everything is just rumors and speculation in this adoption game.

I must just set in myself the fact that I can't change other people, I can't make them make a decision, I have to wait and because of the Olympics we won't be bringing this child home until September at the earliest if CCAA can understand how much we want to bring her home... it just stinks because I could have her here with us now.

And maybe I need to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just get on with things.. if it is meant to be it will be. If not then God has another plan for Wei and for our family. And maybe the disappointment won't hurt so bad.

Happy Gotcha Day!! One year!!

It is amazing what adoption can do for a person's soul. Many people look at me like I am crazy when I tell them how many bio children I have and that we have adopted and that we want to adopt another but there is always a reason for everything in life and Ali is our reason for life!

I stayed up late last night looking over pictures of the trip to China, the people we met because of adoption and the last year in general...WOW, what a year!! And the best part is there is more to come!
I think the other parents were also looking over photos last night as I got a few emails from some of them with pictures of our adoption day (yep, took us all a year to exchange pictures!) The Chinese Red Thread connecting us together!

I was looking at photos of the girls at the government center when we first walked in, all dressed exactly the same, with their dark hair and olive skin... I just remember how fast it went with eleven babies running around and eleven families trying to get their camera snapping... my mom kept saying, "there she is!!" What a day, what an adventure, what a great kid!!!

She was so fun last night at the Steak House... I didn't feed her a big lunch so the poor thing was starving by the time the food came and she kept up with daddy, bite for bite! Chase even eats good when we go there! Not that Chase doesn't eat good all the time but he loves the steak! Jay said he wishes we could cook the food to taste the same at home!! Me too!

Now for the update on our Wei!... I made her a photo album last night... I am putting it into a box today with her gifts because I KNOW today is going to be our acceptance day!! Marci emailed me late yesterday after I had posted yesterday's blog to say that CCAA has requested a recommendation letter from our agency's director. ASIA was going to email it over to them before closing time yesterday, which would be early morning in China. So that means that while everyone here, except me, slept... our lives were being changed! Marci, said it was good news that they were asking for this!... I know I shouldn't get my hopes up until I am standing in China with her in my arms but this was meant to be!!

I did a page in her photo album with the whole family, then I did a page with the girls bedroom... and I pasted a picture of her and Ali on that page with her new name.. we had originally picked Riley, hence the blog page title.. but we met a girl name Kiley about two weeks ago.. and decided we like Kiley better as a girls name and it sounds nice with Wei's name... so Kiley Wei. And she looks like a Kiley Wei!! As soon as we get our approval I will post her picture for the world to see!!

Please keep praying! We are at the top of the hurdle and we need to make it over!!

Ali and I are off to lunch with Mallory at school!! Mallory didn't want to miss Ali's gotcha day so we promised to come eat yummy school lunch!

Still Waiting

Monday: It is hard to make a blog that wants to talk about the excitement of your weekend...Ali's birthday that was a ton of fun while also trying to hide the disappointment of not hearing anything today. It is far to late in the day for CCAA to contact ASIA... so we won't hear anything. Tomorrow would be our Gotcha Day for Ali except that it is leap year so we have to "have" her one extra day to official hit our Gotcha Day... so now what I am praying is that Marci calls me Wednesday to say Wei is ours... that would be the icing on the cake!!!!
Ali's official Gotcha Day 03/05/07 and our official approval day for Wei's adoption the same date one year later... tell me that wouldn't be the best!!!

Tuesday: It has taken me all night to get this posted so it is now actually Tuesday.. and it is now noon... my stomach is in knots... I am not sure if I want the phone to ring or not to ring... no news is still hope!....and all I can do is hope that humanity is out there somewhere! I promised Marci yesterday that I wouldn't bother her again until she called me, she thought that maybe with the woman being out a few days last week at CCAA that she was just overly busy. I know that there are a million babies needing a home...but she just needs to pull on the file of one Zhang Wei and mark APPROVED on it!!

We are going out to the Japanese Steak house tonight to celebrate Ali's one year with our family-HER FAMILY!... it has flown by! She is the same kid but not... her personality on the Gotcha Day one year ago is still there... she loves to look at herself in the mirror, very demanding, loves to smile at the camera but she is now very lovable, touchable and will give and receive kisses! She rules the house and loves popcorn and pizza!... well food in general!! LOL
It has been a great year with this child. I still feel that Ali was meant to be my child and that God just put her in the wrong mom's belly!

Now let's get Wei home and call this family COMPLETE!!!